Slave to Love

I had a dream the other night that I was in a bar, and the guy next to me looked a lot like Billy Ocean.

"You know, you look a lot like Billy Ocean," I said.

"That's because I am," he said.

A juvenile delinquent at the juke box turned on Bryan Ferry or Roxy Music's (I can never remember which) "Slave to Love".

"Wanna dance," I said.

"I thought you'd never ask," he said.

We slow danced. It felt like the final dance at the prom, where the geeky Anthony Michael Hall type finally gets to dance with the Molly Ringwald he pined over for the bulk of the movie-- only I was dancing with Billy Ocean, and I'd never pined over him.

The next day I was with Mads at McDonald's, and the same song was playing above us. I told him about my dream.

"Dude," he said, "you're totally gay."

"I'm totally not. Besides, you read your horoscope. That's gayer."

"I did that once... I was just curious... whatever... you gonna finish your fries?"

"Um hmm."

Invoking Ronald Regan

Mads, my Norwegian companion, and I were sitting in a Dunkin Donuts letting things die down a bit. Mads thought it would be funny to set off some firecrackers in the Prudential T stop, and we barely made it out before the Department of Homeland Security nabbed us. The Dunkin Donuts had Fox News on its TV set, and there was a discussion about Ronald Regan and stem cell research. This discussion spilled into the patrons. One said that Regan was the greatest president ever, and most of the others shot him down. I stepped in and came to ol' Ronnie's defense.

"Let me tell you people a story," I said. "I had the privilege of attending Ronnie's second election victory party in 1984..."

They all listened in awe as I told of the amazing after hours festivities. I could remember like it was yesterday being out on the dance floor with Nancy Regan, as Billy Ocean's "Caribbean Queen" started with its trademark "She's simply... awesome". That song was hot at that time, and so was Nancy Regan. One of the Coreys, Feldman I think... yes, of course it was Feldman, because I left to do coke with Haim... cut in and took my dance right around the second chorus point. I guess no more love on the run.

The people asked if that was really true, and I assured them it was. Then one of them asked what in the hell that story had to do with stem cell research.

"Who gives a shit about stem cell research? There's more important things out there... everytime I hear 'Caribbean Queen' on one of those 80's flashback lunch things that are so popular on the radio now, I think of that night... fuck stem cell research."