Hey, Hey, Gonzales

Martha Stewart invited me to her Christmas party a month ago. It was the bash of the season. She had midgets dressed as elves, robotic reindeer, and a perfectly executed hors d'oeuvres spread, which all came together in a cacophony* of holiday magic.

I found myself in a conversation about Robert Mugabe's regime in Zimbabwe with Diddy, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, and fashion designer Michael Kors. Due to my personal friendship with Mugabe, I tried to be extra critical to avoid seeming biased.

"See, I can get behind seizing all the farms and giving them to black people," Diddy said. "But all that stuff with him shutting down newspapers: that's just whack."

A small man came rushing past us with a Virginia honey baked ham, a bottle of tequila, and an elf draped on his back. Martha was following, yelling:

"Hey, hey, Gonzales…"

I shrugged my shoulders and continued.

"I know what you're saying about the whites having all the good farm land, but I think the expropriation was more a means to deflect attention from how poorly Mugabe was running the country..."

[*Writer's note: I know what cacophony means.]