One Night in Bangkok Makes a Hard Man Humble

People often ask me (and I have no idea why) if I have any regrets in life. I do, actually. One in particular that still eats at me to this day.

Back in 1985, I got into a Boston night club with a fake ID. After a few beers, I saw the most amazing woman ever. She had this poofy blond hair, with an oversized white sweater that revealed her right shoulder, and this hot black leather skirt. She seemed equally interested in me, so during Murray Head's "One Night in Bangkok", I asked her to dance, and she said yes.

One thing led to another, and we were back at her place. I was excited: she would've been my first time. But I betrayed myself. I tried to pretend I was going to BU, so she wouldn't think I was as young as I was, and I mistakenly referred to what should've been my "8 o'clock" as "First Period". She asked how old I really was, and when I told her the truth, she was none too pleased.

I still see her in my head whenever I hear that song (or even mention of it, like when Mike Nelson did during the Alien From LA episode of MST3K). I replay the moment in my mind: why did I say I was in college? how could I have been so dumb? what would our kids have looked like?

One night in Bangkok does indeed make a hard man humble.

Mayor McCheese: One Night in Bangkok Makes a Hard Man Humble

Between the Moon Knight, the Verona, the Tuna Cutter, and Ronald being a pain in the ass, I needed a bit of a break. To get this break, I took a trip to Bangkok.

First thing I did was score some coke and some hookers. What a mess that was. The coke was Ajax, and the hookers were dudes. When I finally found a place where I could unwind, I was caught off guard and one of the chicks slipped me a Mickey. I woke up two days later in a remote Cambodian jungle, completely naked. It was hard enough to navigate the tigers and land mines under "normal" circumstances, but this was really pushing me to my limits. I could've easily bit the bullet and called Ronald from a military outpost so he could arrange the long trip back to Chicago for me. But I still had my pride.

I barely made it back to Bangkok in time to find my passport and other identification in a trash bin outside the brothel where I was drugged. I guess it's hard to sell a US passport with the Mayor McCheese's information on it. I was lucky, but humbled by the experience.