Mayor McCheese: Captain Crook Was Robbed (Ironic?)

I couldn't stand that atrocious second pirates movie that had Johnny Depp in it. It just sucked a fat dick. But just the same, we made some mad cash out of the deal.

As you may have known, McDonald's had a huge advertising campaign centered around that stupid waste of celluloid. What you may not have known was that McDonald's paid no money to get the rights to that advertising campaign. After he saw the first movie, Captain Crook sued Disney and what not for copyright infringement. Of course, Captain Crook doesn't have the right to sue anyone because he's beholden to McDonald's, so McDonald's came up with this lucrative settlement in lieu of a court battle.

I don't know what's worse: that Disney came up with a movie idea they stole from a pirate that steals fish sandwiches, or that so many Americans watched it and thought it was great.

Pirates!

Mads, my Norwegian companion, and I decided to go see what all the fuss was about with that new pirates movie with Johnny Depp and we were very upset that we did. Considering we didn't pay because we snuck in after seeing Al Gore's An Inconvienient Truth, it wasn't so bad, but it was bad enough. I've never seen anything that lacked more imagination and creativity in my life. Afterwards Mads and I decided we needed to cleanse the palate with some more drinking, and we hit a nearby bar.

That's when the Pirates invaded. We first heard their Pirate Call:

"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy..."

We turned. There were about seven of them, dressed in tight designer T-shirts and jeans with impeccably styled hair and tanned skin. I didn't see any of them go to the juke box, but suddenly the song changed from the Gin Blossom's "Hey Jealousy" to a house remix of Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time." These were real Pirates, and they were serious. They came here to commandeer this bar and make it Fabulous. A well-built man wearing only a pair of spandex bicycle shorts and a bow tie offered us some Jell-O shots. I looked at Mads, and we shrugged our shoulders and each took one. I pointed my head in the direction of the dancing Pirates, and Mads nodded. We jumped up and started dancing with them. Hopefully the third movie will be this good.