Japanese Butt

Mads, my Norwegian companion, and I were walking down a less populated area of Tremont Street, when a man asked us if we wanted to be a part of a focus group to explore when the best part of the day to show Miami Vice reruns was. For Mads and I, the answer's obvious: all day long, so we jumped at the chance. Bad move...

The moment we stepped inside, the tiles from under us gave way, revealing a trap door. We were transported to a basement where a twisted Japanese game show was taping. People were strapped to chairs and forced to answer questions. If they got one wrong, a Japanese man with a big hole in his pants would move toward you. He was on all fours on a block, with his butt sticking out. Mads and I understood quickly: eventually enough wrong answers and the butt would be in your face. And it would get there, because the questions were in Japanese, which I didn't understand, and neither did the poor soul in the chair. We watched in horror as the Japanese laughed. The cheeks were touching his face, his nose firmly planted in the crack. This was no good.

Mads didn't think it was good either, and when they took him by the shoulders to bring him to the chair, he fought back. The amount of mace he sprayed even burned me. I felt a hand take mine and pull me away from the dirty mist. As my eyes cleared, I saw it was Mads.

"Look out!" I yelled. Two port-o-potties in front of us flew open, and men on motorized sleds shot out at us. I pushed Mads away, then jumped on one and commandeered it. I spun it back around.

"Mads, quick, jump on!"

We could only take the sled so far, because we had to traverse a set of rolling plastic logs over a brownish liquid. After, we had a set of three doors to go through. The one we chose had a big Samurai behind it. When I say big, I mean like a sports mascot. He was impeding our progress to the outside world, yet he was too unwieldy to be more than a nuisance. We made it to the steal door, which led to an alley. We took it back to Tremont Street, and saw the same guy trying to get people inside for the focus group.