Interior Design Hulk

I have a friend living in the closet. I probably shouldn't give you his name, but I will anyway: Dirk Swisher. He's a physicist who works at some lab somewhere desiging nuclear weapons. One day he was testing some bomb device, and was bombarded with gamma radiation. To this day, he lives a duel life: one as straight Dirk the physicist, the other as the queer Interior Design Hulk.

I learned of his secret when I took him to a couple's house warming party.

"Someone needs to change those drapes... they do not match the couches."

"I know, they're horrible."

"No, someone's gotta change them now, or I'll get mad... and you don't want to see me when I get mad."

Well, as you can imagine, no one changed the drapes, and his skin started turning all pink. A bright pink. And he grew muscles. He was a big hulk of a man. And he completely destroyed their house and redecorated it. After, lying in a beautiful new living room, he was passed out on the floor, falling out of his ripped clothes. I threw some water on him.

"Dude, you okay?"

"What happened?"

"You just redesigned the Parker's house. It looks amazing."

"Oh God, not again... not again... please help me!"

I threw him the card of a talent agent I knew.

"Dude, you could get a job on HG or Bravo with those skills."

I've seen him since. He tries to live a double life, but it's difficult. He's become something of a pariah among his fellow physicists because he refuses their invitation to come over and have supper or watch the game. He's probably right to figure guys with coke-bottle glasses, bad comb-overs, and pocket-protectors, aren't the best interior decorators.

So he stays in the lab, night after night, searching desperately for a cure. Personally, I don't see why he does. The man's got a talent Carson Kressly could only dream of. He should use it for good, not bottle it up and be ashamed of it.