Mom Rock

I saw James Blunt on Oprah. No, I don't watch Oprah, she was on after Dr. Phil. Yes, I do watch Dr. Phil. I don't see what the big deal is... anyway, so I see James Blunt, and I'm hooked, an instant fan. I run down to the Virgin Megastore and grab me a copy of his CD, to which the 18 year-old clerk behind the counter tells me:

"Oh, my mom loves this CD."

"Really...?"

"Oh... I'm not saying anything about you... it's just that my mom saw him on Oprah..."

I get outside and tear open my CD. That's when I hear two 45 year-old moms discudssing how much they loved James Blunt, and how excited they were to see John Meyer in concert.

Fast-forward two weeks, and I'm hooked. I'm waking up in the middle of the night with Daniel Powter cravings. I was chased away from the front of Newbury Comics because I was trying to find middle-aged moms to buy me the new Teddy Geiger EP. One night I came home to an intervention.

John Meyer was running it, with some of my friends, mom rockers Jason Mraz and Gavin deGraw, and former mom idol Leif Garrett in attendance. John Meyer started:

"I'm not going to lie to you. You're not our targeted demographic."

"I'm not?"

"We don't want single thirtysomethings at our shows. We want women aged from 13 to 19, and from 37 to 55. We want you to get some help."

"But 'Your Body is a Wonderland'...?"

"Mom Rock."

"Gavin, c'mon man, 'Chariot'... that wasn't Mom Rock, was it?"

"This isn't about Gavin, this is about you." Meyer said. "Your friends called us over here because you have a problem. Now you can go get help, or your friends will all be forced to cut you out of their lives."

"What?"

Gwen, the Cappie stood up.

"You used to listen to such great music. Music intended for your demographic, like Human League, and Depeche Mode, or the Gin Blossoms."

"The Gin Blossoms aren't Mom Rock?"

"This isn't about the Gin Blossoms," Meyer said. "This is about you and your problem."

All my friends spoke about the toll Mom Rock was taking on my life. Maybe they were right. I agreed to seek help, and they made an appointment for me to see Simon LeBon and Nick Rhodes.