Barack Out With My...

Months ago Hubert Humphrey disappeared from the '08 presidential race. It was a disappointment, because he was really the only candidate I could get behind. Now I was stuck with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Yay!

So I asked Matty, my personal biographer, who he thought I should vote for, considering he at one time was pursuing a post-graduate degree in Political Science.

"I’m voting for Hillary."

"Why?"

"Because she sent me a letter to my folks’ house to go to the local high school and caucus for her."

"That’s it? Not anything special about the issues or her plans on health care versus Obama...?"

"I’m sorry man, I don’t know what to tell you."

I asked Mads, my Norwegian companion, what he thought about all this. He was playing FIFA ’08 as SK Brann, and trying to win the FA Cup in England.

"It just so happens I’ve kept a running tally of every time we’ve been contacted by either campaign’s staffers."

"You have?"

"Yeah, just to see who I should vote for. I like Matty’s system for picking a candidate."

"But you can’t vote. You’re a Norwegian citizen."

"They don’t know that."

"Yes they do."

"No they don’t. I’ve been voting here since 1996. Now do you want to hear who we should vote for?"

"Fine, all right."

"From letters, phone calls, and people yelling at me on the street, we’ve been contacted by Hillary 13 times, and Obama 15."

"I guess we’re voting for Obama then."

"See," Matty said. "It’s people like you who are dividing our party!"