Francesco Totti

Mads, my Norwegian companion, and I were out with some chicks the other night. They were really hot, and really dumb (the best kind, right?). Anyway, this one that thought she was smart was giving us her profound take on the differences between men and women.

"See, women are cool with their sexuality. We have no trouble saying when another woman is attractive. You guys can’t do it. You’re afraid people will think you’re gay."

"Not true," I said.

"Absolutely not," Mads said.

"Okay, name one guy you’d want to sleep with."

We looked at each other and said at the same time:

"Francesco Totti."

"Who’s that?"

"Francesco Totti?" I said. "Star striker for AS Roma? Only the coolest guy ever."

"And also ten kinds of hot."

"Okay, name another."

But we ignored her and went on talking about Totti.

"You know," Mads said. "It’d be way cooler to just hang out with him instead of sleep with him."

"Yeah, doing him in the butt would ruin it. We’d need a more feminine dude to do. Besides, Totti’d have so many women around him, we’d totally hook up with some of them instead."

"Oh yeah, just hanging out with Totti’d be awesome enough, but then you figure some of those women would sleep with us just to get closer to him, like chicks who sleep with the other band members in the Goo Goo Dolls."

"Only Totti’s way cooler than the Goo Goo Dolls’ lead singer. Can you imagine doing some chick, and Totti’d come in after having done three others that were way hotter?"

"And all at the same time."

"Of course. And he’d pat you on the back and say something like 'nice work', and we’d be so stoked that we got a complement from Totti. We’d be high-fiving after he left the room."

"Oh, it’d rule."

We noticed the girls had left us. We thought about going after them, but then went back to daydreaming about hanging out with Totti.