Classy as PBR

Mads, my Norwegian companion, and I decided to take in the Pats/Colts game a while back at a bar instead of watching a TiVoed version at home. As such, we were forced to suffer the myriad lowest-common-denominator advertisements aired every time the game stops for two seconds.

The Miller Lite and Bud Light ones hurt my soul the most. The former had a preening schmo of a John McGinley advocating a "More Taste League", which is a euphemism for "Really Dumb Ad Campaign"; while Bud Light had guys at an opera smuggling beers in that were shattered by the high pitched singing of the female lead.

"These commercials are signaling the end of Western Civilization," a voice next to us said. It was Tommy Lee Jones! "Yep, when archaeologists ten thousand years from now go over the rubble left from our time on the planet, they'll look at the ridiculous beer ads and wonder what on Earth we were thinking. It's like they're insisting the world's flat or something."

"It's not all bad," Mads said. "Look, I got a PBR Pounder. When's the last time you ever saw a bad commercial by them? They have enough class to not inundate us with advertisements that strip away IQ points."

"Yeah, but PBR sucks," Tommy Lee Jones said.

"No, you suck."

This nearly led to fisticuffs, and I had to rein them in.

"Come on guys, we're on the same team. I mean, look at it." I pointed to the All-American Jackasses sitting in a fake opera with their Bud Lights on the TV screen. "This is what we're fighting against. Us intelligent males who know that no way in hell would women who look and dress like that would ever want to go to the opera, because we've tried to invite them, and their just bored out of their gourds, because, God forbid, they do something other than put on a halter top and tight jeans and go to a club with their friends and try to get a VIP booth or whatever--"

"Jesus, man, stop," Mads said. "You've lost it. Gone over the deep end. I don't even know what you're talking about. I'd never invite chicks to see the opera, anyway."

"Yeah," Tommy Lee Jones said. "What kind of pussy are you?"

"But... but..."

But it was too late. Mads and Tommy Lee Jones went off and drank some PBRs and left me watching the game by myself.