A Drunk and His Avril Lavigne

I was startled awake at 2:07 the other morning by the sound of Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" playing in my livingroom. I figured it was Mads, my Norwegian companion, but decided to check it out anyway. I found Matty, my personal biographer, sitting on my couch with his eyes closed and all the lights on. Without stirring he spoke to me.

"Why'd'ya have'ta go an' make shit so complicated?"

When I got close he grabbed me by the collar.

"No one, and I repeat, NO ONE is more perspicacious than a 16-year old telling me what life is like!"

Perspicacity was probably the one thing a drunk sitting in my living room after 2AM listening to Avril Lavigne with all the lights on and his eyes closed needed the most. A part of me pitied him, like the clergy members imploring Joan to confess to avoid the stake in Dreyer's The Passion of Joan of Arc.

"What are you doing here?"

"It's all a matter of erections and secretions."

He had to know I was too keen to miss a Bergman reference. I assumed he'd just seen The Silence, the film that that line was taken from. My silence indicated that his response was not sufficient.

He answered me without opening his eyes.

"I had a day to kill before meeting a friend in New Hampshire. The Celtics are on a West Coast road trip, so I got drunk instead."

"You know, the Bruins were playing, you could've seen them."

"What?"

"Nevermind. Let me change the music."

"I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with you."

"I know, and that's what makes this so hard."

I switched my radio over to KISS 108, which was playing Taylor Swift's "Teardrops on My Guitar." I went to walk back into my bedroom, but Matty stopped me. He held my arm and used his other to indicate that this would only take a second. Then he nodded. We both sang:

"He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar..."