Punch Out!!

One of the sweet things about the new Wii is how you can download old games. One thing that sucks, though, is you can only download the Mike Tyson's Punch Out!! post Mike Tyson, meaning it's only Punch Out!!

I was in the mall with Gwen, and we saw a kid playing it in the front of a store. He sucked.

"Dude," I said. "You gotta pop Piston Honda in the face when he blinks. What the fuck's the matter with you? Oh Jesus, how the hell do you plan to beat King Hippo if you can't beat this guy?"

The kid was too young to remember all the tricks to beating these dudes. I bumped him aside and picked up at Don Flamenco, who's a push over. As I got to Tiger, I was getting too into it. My blood pressure was rising. At Bald Bull, I wasn't sure if I could time my punch right to hit him in the gut as he charged me. The first one was perfect. The second one...

I heard the opening to "Oh Sherry". I looked to see where it was coming from, and was knocked down. My timing was shot. I was a failure. Some jackass had it as his ringtone. It didn't take long before Bald Bull was laughing over me.

"You suck," the kid said, and he threw his Icee in my face.

"Well that's just plain tomfoolery."