The Bulgarian Cocktail

The Footballer was in town last weekend. He was scouting a striker playing for the Boston Bulldogs that a team in Bulgaria was interested in.

"How is Bulgaria this time of year?"

"It's hot. You should come back there with me for a little holiday."

"Yeah, I'm not doing anything."

We left Monday and got in late the same day. I offered to take him out for dinner as a thank you, and he asked if his friends could come. I said sure, thinking it'd only be one or two. He brought twelve, and they all ordered the most expensive things on the menu. I was pissed, until I saw the bill.

"$5?"

"What did you expect to pay?" The Footballer said.

"A lot more. Should I give him a dollar tip? That's 20%"

"I don't know. Don't you think it's a bit showy to tip that much?"

On Wednesday we watched Drogba net a hat trick against SK Sofia in Champion's League play. After we went out for drinks.

"I want you to try the Bulgarian Cocktail."

Sure, I'll try anything once. The waiter brought it out, and it was this black liquid with a thick white smoke blowing off the top of it. It looked like someone put dry ice in it. It tasted like Purple Kool-Aid with extra sugar in it.. Oh Yeah! I downed it and called for another one.

"You better go easy on those."

He was right. The moment I sipped the second one, I woke up to find myself in a tub full of ice. In one hand was a phone, and the other had written on it "Call 911 if you want to live!" 911? Do they even have that in Bulgaria? I checked my kidneys. Both there. So I got out of the tub and went into the living room where everyone was laughing.

"Sorry, man," the Footballer said. "Just a little joke we like to play on Americans."