Conversations with a Cappie

Gwen, the Cappie, left a message on my machine the other day, saying we needed to talk. That sounded kind of boring, so I didn't bother calling her back. That night I decided to take an evening to myself instead of going out, so I bought a bottle of Cakebread Merlot, and rented the entire second season of Laguna Beach on DVD. Midway through the season, as Jason was breaking up with Jessica, there was a knock at the door. It was Gwen.

"Did you get my message?"

"Yeah."

"Oh...? Um... maybe I should go then..."

"Why? Have a glass of wine and sit for a sec. The girls are going skiing so Jessica can get over Jason. Also, LC is going to the same mountain with her friend. What LC and Kristin don't know, especially LC, is that Stephen went out with both of them for Valentine's Day."

"Oh... um... okay."

That of course was the next episode, but right then Jessica had to call Kristin to tell her Jason said they wouldn't be friends like they were before they dated. I was kind of humming the Kelly Clarkson tune, "Behind These Hazel Eyes", that was playing in the background.

"Um... so my friend Amanda saw you at the Blue Ginger with another girl."

"Really? Who's Amanda? Do I know her?"

"She dressed as a Jedi at the ComicCon."

"The blue chick with the things hanging down?"

"Yeah. She said you were with another women."

"I probably was. Let me think... Blue Ginger... Blue Ginger... of course, Anya. Yeah, Seamus Heany introduced us."

"What?"

"You know, the poet. Yeah, here's the thing with her: she's the last living native speaker of this Dalmatian language. But the controversy is that her grandfather taught her the language when she was young, so there's a debate over whether she counts as a native speaker, or someone who learned it as a second language. Man... was she great in bed..."

"What? You slept with her?"

"Well yeah. I'd never slept with a woman who spoke Dalmatian before, and I figured my odds weren't good for it happening again considering there aren't many of them out there."

"But what about us?"

"What about us? Oh my God, here it is. See, Alex is dating Jason now. Isn't that crazy?"

"I thought we were a couple."

"Wow, what gave you that idea? I don't do couples. I mean, think about it, if we were a couple, you'd have been pissed that I slept with the Dalmatian speaking woman."

She looked stunned. "So what was I to you, then?"

She gave me the set-up, and I couldn't resist taking it.

"You? You were just one of those corners of my mind, and I had to put'cha right back with tha rest. That's the way it goes, I guess. Baby you send me [haaahahaahaaahyy] Baby you send me. Set a drift on memory bliss of you."

She was very upset, and wanted to leave, but Laguna kept pulling her in. At the beginning of every episode she'd say "just one more, then I'm out", but how can you leave when the teaser tells you that Jason and LC are gonna hook up?