Double H

I got the call today that I'd forgot to expect. Hubert Humphrey wanted to meet to discuss his campaign for president in '08. We hooked up at a local underwear shop that caters to gay men. We had to sneak into the dressing room because we couldn't hear each other over the extremely loud house music. The current song was a remix of Climie Fisher's "Love Changes Everything."

"Love changes... changes everything... man, who does this song," I said to myself.

"Climie Fisher."

"Climie Fisher? How did you know that?"

"I had a lot of time to kill in the '80s and '90s. I spent 24 hours a day sitting on a beach in the Caribbean listening to music."

"24 hours a day? You didn't sleep?"

"I didn't. But anyway, we need a strategy to get me the NH Primary."

"Well, I was thinking you've got the best record on Iraq and the economy and social security, because you haven't had to vote on any of those things in like 30 years."

"Okay. What else you got?"

"That's it for right now. What did you have?"

"I'm thinking of having Jack Wagner as my running mate."

"Jack Wagner?"

"Yeah, Frisco from General Hospital..."

"Yeah I know who he is."

"He's on Bold now."

"Yeah, with Lorenzo Lamas. But whatever, why Jack Wagner? Why not Pacey from Dawson's Creek?"

"Joshua Jackson... yeah, Double H and Double J. I kinda like it, make it shorter I'll buy it."

I looked at him pondering my suggestion, and realized just how much my work was cut out for me.

"Think we can make this has been a president?"

"Has been? Dude, you're a never has was."

He laughed and patted me on the shoulder. He walked to the front of the store, then turned back to me:

"We're gonna win this shit, fucker, you know that?"

"I do, bitch. I do."

Love changes... changes everything...