Dracula

I saw my neighbor Dracula the other night. I was just hitting the road, and he was coming in. He had a few pints of blood from the local blood bank.

"Hey, man, what's good?"

"Ah, nothing. Same old same old."

"I'm going out tonight, you wanna come? We'll rip it up."

"Naw dude, thought I'd just stay in. Sweet Home Alabama's on HBO 2."

"Okay, suit yourself."

I saw Blade Trinity with him a few days before. It was funny, because yet again, he was completely misrepresented. The real Dracula doesn't hang out at raves and wear leather pants. He's not even evil really. He wears Cardigan sweaters and Oxford shoes. He listens to smooth jazz. I was at a gas station with him, and he was picking up garbage that some rowdy teenagers dumped out of their car. I asked him one day where he got this bad reputation.

"Me and Bram Stoker had a falling out over some gambling debts. He decided to blast me in the media. It just stuck."

So what is true about Dracula? He's slightly stronger than the average guy his size, but he's not like Hercules or something. The sun is bad news for him, but he said that's not a big deal with the advent of TiVo. He can't turn into demons or bats. He doesn't like black either. I guess he's like really old, but I'm too polite to ask his age, and he hasn't mentioned it. He has a job as a DJ on an all night smooth jazz show for a local am radio station.

He said there's other vampires out there too. Some of them might be as evil as they are in the movies, and they might even listen to techno and host raves. As for Drac, he's just chilling, and I don't think he'd have it any other way.