Mads: Employment

I was called into the dean of my college's office to discuss my work at the university. I didn't know exactly what to expect, which made it difficult for me pick out an outfit. I figured Americans tend to be pretty rah-rah-ish, so I dressed in OU colors with a Sooners Rule T-shirt on under my blazer.

"Hello, Mads. I guess we should get right to the point."

"Sure, man, why not? Are you thirsty?"

I had just poured myself a Manhattan.

"Um... no. I...uh... nevermind. As you know, you are probably one of the highest regarded ornithologists in the world. You are currently the only member of our faculty that is a Nobel Prize laureate. That being said, your work as a professor can only be described as atrocious. You seldom attend the classes you're teaching. You disappear from the campus for large stretches of time. I just cannot seem to reconcile the you on your resume, and the you that sits before me."

"Are you sure you don't want a drink?"

"Look at you. You're drinking an alcoholic beverage in front of me. You're dressed like... like a Tennessee collegiate basketball coach. I just... I just don't know what to do..."

"What if we kissed? Right here and now? Would that make you feel better?"

"God damn it, Mads! This is serious."

"Have you ever been to Paris?"

"What? Yes, of course, why...?"

"Oh, I'm just wondering. I got this letter today from le Sorbonne." I showed it to him. "I guess they want to hire me or something. Hmmm... I don't know, I mean if I flew out there to look at the job, I'd miss that department fundraising dinner you had planned for this weekend. Um... yeah... that might not be so good if the Norwegian Hope Diamond we like to call Mads couldn't make it because he was seeking a more prestigious appointment in Europe. What would the rich folk think?"

"You fucker... Oh what the hell, pour me a drink."

"That's what I like to hear."