Mistaken Identity

A few weeks ago I was set up on a date with this really hot chick who made six figures a year as a lawyer. Everything was going great from the dinner in the North End to dancing at a gay club called The Straw That Stirs the Drink (gay clubs always have better music for me to dance to). When we were leaving the club, though, a bunch of drunk dudes from other bars kept coming up to her and asking her to show them her tits. I almost passed it off as the plethora of miscreants that make up the bulk of the bar scene, but I noticed she was the only one receiving that kind of attention. It sent me thinking. When we got in the cab, she spoke first.

"That was kind of weird, huh?"

"I know, it was. Didn't you say you had a twin sister?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Did she ever go to Cancun or something like that?"

"Yeah, Panama City."

"That's it, she was on Girls Gone Wild."

"What? Are you fucking kidding me? Oh my God, that's probably why all the guys at the firm have been snickering around me lately. This is so fucking embarrassing. God, I hate her."

"Sue her."

"Sue her? For going on Girls Gone Wild?"

"Why not? As a twin, she has a special responsibility to uphold. Her actions not only affect her, but they can also affect you. Take her to small claims court, say it's cost you $5000 in income."

"Wow, I could. Would you be my witness to what happened?"

So she did sue, and I did agree to be her witness. Only she had her case dropped and agreed to be on Judge Judy. I was mortified. Judy spent the entire time berating her sister for her "loose lifestyle", but said she was unable to fine in favor of my homegirl because there was no legal ground for her case. What a moron. I never retured her calls.