Ringers

Mads, my Norwegian companion, and I play in a local rec basketball league. It's not a big thing, just a little three-on-three half-court type thing. In addition to Mads and me, there were two girls on our team: my neighbor Jody, and her friend Steff, who played college ball at BU.

Our first opponent was a group from MIT. I figured we'd have this in the bag, but when I saw them, I wasn't so sure. They were all real big: two twin white guys that stood about 6'8", and two twin women that were like 6'2". To give you an idea, Mads and I are about 6' even, and we're the tallest people on our team. I thought something was weird, though, when I noticed the guys looked just like Data from Star Trek. I found out later that the girls looked like Tasha Yar, another character from Star Trek, but I didn't notice at the time.

They shot for first possession, and one of the Data guys hit it, so they started with the ball. One Data guy started it behind the arc, and I covered him, while one of the chicks was out on the wing with Jody covering her, and the other Data guy was down on the block, covered by Mads. He went to dribble, and I took the ball from him immediately, dished it to Jody, who hit an easy lay-up. They got the ball again (no make-it take-it, unfortunately). I went to swat the ball out of the guy's hands, and I took his left hand off, revealing frayed wires and sparks. Without missing a beat, he used his right hand to dish the ball in the post to the other guy, who was stuffed viciously by Mads as he turned to shoot. The ball went back in his face, knocking his eye out.

That's when Mads lost it. He referred to them as abominations of nature, punched the guy's head clean off, and then grabbed a folding chair from the sidelines with the intent of destroying the machines. Two nerdy guys with MIT shirts on ran on to the court, trying to protect their inventions. I hit one of them with a solid open field tackle, knocking the wind out of him. The other one made it to Mads, and tried to wrestle the chair out of his hands. Mads, an avowed atheist, was now claiming his rampage in the name of God. The referee had called in the police, and they shot Mads with a taser and pepper spray. They almost arrested him too, but I took them aside, explained the situation, and being good God-fearing Americans, they understood. Jody and I brought Mads home, promising not to cause anymore trouble. Aye, aye, officer.