The Cynosure

I was at my buddy Ukrainian Hank's nightclub, sitting in a VIP booth reading Max Beerbohm's Zuleika Dobson, because Mads, my Norwegian companion, was catching up on episodes of Reba he had TiVoed. I can never concentrate when he does that, and Ukrainian Hank always has a booth open for me. I was interrupted, though, when Mike from the second New York Real World (aka the Miz) joined me, uninvited.

"Hello?"

"Hey, what's up, man? Hope I'm not buggin' you, but I need to rest for a second."

"Why?"

My question was answered before he could respond when I saw hundreds of hot young girls clamouring to make it into my booth. He had been at another club near by, where he was paid to appear to gain publicity for the establishment. Once his obligation was up, he thought he could sneak over to Ukrainian Hank's without the girls following him. He was wrong.

But as I always say, when the world gives you lemons, make lemonade.

"Wanna get out of this, Mr. Miz?"

"Yes, but I don't want to call it a night yet."

"Okay, first pick four of the best looking girls out there which we will take with us for the night."

"But I have a girlfr--"

"Don't interrupt. You don't have a girlfriend tonight, understand?" He nodded. "Okay, after you do that, I'll have Ukrainian Hank take us out a secret exit he has for celebrities. He'll have transportation waiting for us. I know just the place to go."

I took him to my favorite underground casino, but it was no use. The Miz has a pressence that is greater than even I can control. The girls found us there, with even more of them in tow. I then tried the old stand-by of getting a suite under a false name and doing coke off hooker's asses. They still found us. After a few more last ditch efforts to find entertainment, I had to give up. I felt sorry, but I bailed on him, leaving him in a part of the city he was unfamiliar with. By that time Mads was done watching Reba, so I went home and continued with my book.