Mads: PBS

I received a request to do an interview about birds for a documentary airing on PBS. I'd done these types of shows before, and now being affiliated with the University, they tried to hire me out to do them as much as possible. I had them interview me at my apartment.

The night before was kind of a bad one, and I didn't get any sleep. When the crew showed, I was naked and sleeping on the couch. After some discussion, I put on a white shirt and a blazer. I sat at my kitchen table with my feet up, smoking a cigarette and drinking a glass of straight vodka. My hair was all disheveled, and I had like thirteen o'clock shadow.

Due to my stature as a Nobel Prize winner, and with much campaigning from Oklahoma, I made it onto the show, despite my not contributing anything whatsoever that could have been used to add anything to the production. They took from my ramblings about how to properly prepare fois gras, my abrupt interruption of the interview to enjoy "Foolish Heart" playing on the local Adult Contempo station, and my lecture on the merits of the Miami Vice trailer as great Film Noir, little tidbits that made me look like a functioning member of the academic community.

That wasn't the best part. GQ contacted the Dean, and I was featured in an article and photo spread. They really liked my overall appearance, and they asked me to give their readers style tips. I'm beginning to like this professor thing.