Babysitting

My neighbor Jody had a date, and her babysitter canceled. With no one else available to watch her five-year-old son, she asked me. Lucky for her, Mads, my Norwegain companion, and I had planed to stay in and watch Erik Skjoldbjaerg's Insomnia, the Norwegian movie that inspired the Pacino/Williams movie of the same name.

Unfortunately her son could not watch the movie, because he had to be to bed at 8 o'clock. He wasn't exactly tired that early, so I offered to read to him. I found a Winnie the Pooh book, and in it was a story about the group making chilli for a pot luck supper.

"Oh, bother," Winnie said. "These damn recipe books are no good, Rabbit. They're European. I can't make heads or tails of this metric system."

"Well, I'd be doing that for you, Pooh, but your place is filthy," Rabbit said. "It'll take me all day to get your kitchen clean enough for me to cook in."

"I just found out a girl I graduated high school with has a role on a new sitcom," Eeyore said. "And here I am with no job, no girl, and no life."

"Christ, Rabbit," Pooh said. "It's not my fault you're so damned anal retentive. Where's my damn honey?"

"Oh d-d-d-dear Pooh," Piglet said. "You h-have an unhealthy relationship with food. You're using it to f-f-fill a v-v-void in you're life. God, we'll n-n-never get this chilli made in time for the supper."

Just then Tigger jumped in and smashed through the table in front of Pooh sending food and pans everywhere. Everything they had worked on to that point was ruined.

"Oh, d-d-d-dear," Piglet said. "We'll never get it done now. I need a Newport."

"The chilli is like a metaphor for the failure that is my life," Eeyore said.

Piglet nervously lit a cigarette, while Tigger started pulling things out of the cabinet. He then went into the living room to watch TV.

"Tigger," Rabbit said. "Did you take your fucking ritalin?"

"Oh, damn, I knew I forgot something. Wanna go ride a bike?"

"Oh, d-d-d-dear, I'm gonna have a panic attack. What're we gonna do? I gotta wash my hands."

"I need to eat more honey."

Rabbit started scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush. "You need more honey, Pooh, like you need another hole in your head."

At that point Kanga hopped in with five little Roos. She had her hair in curlers, and she was smoking a cigarette. The Roos started tracking mud onto the floor. Rabbit let out a big sigh and joined Tigger in front of the TV.

"Pooh, you seen the mail man today?" Kanga said.

"Oh bother. You know damn well you ain't gonna get your check today, Kanga, it's only the 31st."

"I was just thinkin', cause the 1st is a Sunday, maybe they'll send it early."

I closed the book there. The young man was already fast asleep. I joined Mads out in the livingroom, where he had a TNT with lime waiting for me.