Sen. Jack Murtha and I go way back. Okay, maybe not so far back. But anyway, our main source of contention as friends is our heated Monopoly rivalry. Generally, big Jack doesn't play, but he brings in ringers that he thinks have the stones to take me. It's a slippery slope.
So the other day he shows up out of the blue while I'm grabbing some coffee in the North End, and he's got two shady looking whisper thin fellows on each arm. I knew what the score was at that moment.
"Do you need any time to find a fourth, or are you so full of yourself that you think you can take both of them?"
"Jack, baby, why do you persist in this game you can never win? Did our incident in Islamabad teach you nothing?"
"I still contend that you cheated in that affair."
He was referring to a situation where Mads and I were taking care of some business in the Pakistani capital, when he descended upon us with three men he'd met in Riga, Latvia. Jack thought one of his men had bankrupted me, only to watch as I pulled my emergency $500 out from under my deeds. He threw the table over, and the lot of us barely escaped the country without facing prosecution.
I couldn't find a fourth, and was left to my own devices against his two deviants. I thought I was done for when all the properties were bought up and I hadn't secured a monopoly. One of Jack's boys had all the greens, and I figured they would freeze me out of any deals. I was wrong.
In making conversation with my two opponents, I learned that they both desired the same woman: my friend Gwen, the Cappie. When she stopped into my apartment to say "hi", she turned on Spike TV and watched a rerun of Star Trek: Deep Space 9. This caught their attention.
Well, needless to say, I broke their alliance and convinced one of them to make a deal with me after I hinted that Gwen found him attractive. I locked in monopolies with the oranges and reds, and from there it was only a matter of time.
Jack kicked the boys out after their failure, and he, Gwen, and I bought some Sammy A's and watched The Wild Bunch on DVD.
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