I got a call from some people in the Windy City that they wanted me out there to be honored at a dinner for ornithologists held at the University of Chicago. I didn't have anything else to do, so I packed up some clothes and Abdul Karim, and we flew out there.
Despite a few problems in customs with Abdul, the trip was rather uneventful, as was the dinner. The whole "honoring Mads" thing was getting old. On the day before our last I day in the city, Abdul and I made a stop at The Jerry Springer Show to see what was going on. The title of the episode they were taping was "Moms, Daughters, and The Mayor McCheese". Oh, we're going.
At first we were told there weren't any seats left, but when word got out that I'd won the Nobel prize, they found two seats toot sweet.
The Mayor was everything I expected him to be. To call him an old friend is a tad misleading. He is an extremely unpredictable individual in a very uncouth way. The last time we were together, the night ended badly; but in an environment like this, it was great to watch and see what he'd do next. It was the difference between encountering a lion in the jungle, or at the zoo.
When Jerry announced my presence to the crowd, I knew it was my time to lob a few aluminum cans over the bars to agitate the caged animal.
"Why in God's name are you here on The Jerry Springer Show, if you've won the Nobel prize?"
"Two reasons: first, I'm here to support that triflin' cheeseburger pimp, The Mayor McCheese!"
He stood up, right into the waiting arms of Steve.
"I'ma' kill you mothafucka!"
I put my arms up.
"Come on, burger bitch! You ain't got a gun this time. I put you to sleep like a little baby the last fucking time even when you did! Watchyou think you gonna do?"
"Oh, I don't need a gun to fuck your ass up, you dirty Norwegian!"
"A'ight, bitch, get a bar!"
"I gotchor bar right here, mothafucka!"
The crowd was going nuts. Jerry was laughing and trying to keep it together. I was up near the stage, and the security people were holding us a part. Finally, things calmed down some, and Jerry spoke to me:
"Okay, okay… you two obviously have some history. What, I have no idea… but anyway, you said there were two reasons why you were here. We saw the first… what is the second?"
"I wanna go on the pole, Jerry!"
They led me over, and I climbed up to the top, leaned all the way back so I was upside-down, and I slowly slid to the bottom. It was pandemonium. I pulled off my shirt when Todd had the crowd chant for me to, and my designer jeans as well. Once that calmed down, Jerry went back into the audience to talk to more people. That's when it happened:
"Hi Jerry, my home girl Gwen and I would like to be married by the Rev. Shnorr."
"And let me get this right, you know our Nobel prize winner who's on the pole over there."
"Yes, he was my former Norwegian companion."
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