I was playing Asshole the other night with Gwen, Matty the Mainer, Hubert Humphrey, and Steve Levy from ESPN. Matty was cleaning up as President, and it was difficult to deal with. He called himself "El Presidente" and referred to everyone else as part of his administration. He gave us all nick names like "Randolph" and "Buck jr.", and made people drink for obnoxious reasons like saying you liked Dodgeball or The Sopranos, or for not knowing who the Chancellor of Germany is.
This had to stop. Even though Matty referred to his reign as a benevolent regime, it was anything but. I needed a snack, so I went through some old Chinese in the fridge, and found a lone Fortune Cookie. I opened it up:
A man with no thumbs does not eat potato chip well.
Wow, it was right. It made complete sense. I went to work. I mixed up a Manhattan for everyone, walked uncomfortably into the dining area, announced my presence, then tripped over Gwen, and spilled the drinks all over the cards. Everyone freaked out for a second, then when they realized I hadn't spilled on them personally, they calmed down.
"That's my only deck of cards. I guess we gotta do something else."
We all went over to watch an episode of Flavor of Love Girls Go to Charm School I had TiVoed, but I pulled Matty aside as we did.
"I will never play that game again if you're within ten feet of the room."
His eyes widened.
"I knew it, you bastard. Ed Rush derailed me!"
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