Thursday, June 7, 2007

Undercover Dungeons and Dragons

I accompanied Gwen, the Cappie, to a local comic book and Dungeons and Dragons store. Gwen was always looking for obscure back issues of Captain America and even more obscure cameos he had in comics like Moon Knight, and those comics were in the back room: where the kids held their Dungeons and Dragons games. While Gwen was knee deep in the hooplah, I took inventory of the players. One of them look familiar. He had a big moustache, black-rimmed glasses, and this odd blue baseball cap with no logo. He looked like an extra from the "Sabotage" video. But he looked familiar.

That's because he was Ashton Kutcher. What was he doing there? I asked him.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"C'mon, Ash, you're not fooling anybody with that obnoxious disguise. Where're the cameras, huh? You punkin' someone?"

He took me aside.

"Look, I'm here to do a little research for my Beauty and the Geek show. I'm thinking of maybe having the girls do something like this for a challenge."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"What's that behind you?"

"What?"

Like a moron, I looked, and when I turned around, I was hit in the eyes with some small rocklike objects, which temporarily blinded me. I found out later they were his 8-sided dice. I regained my eyesight, but not before he had made a clean getaway. That's when I heard a scream. It was Gwen.

"They've killed off Captain America!"

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