Just For Men Marketing Conspiracy

I saw a commercial the other day for Just For Men. In it, guys with gray hair couldn't get laid, but guys who used Just For Men were getting action from lithe, blonde, twentysomething women in cowboy hats and tank tops. I was curious about this, because as far as I could tell, gray hair wasn't the kind of criterion for pariah status they were making it out to be. I mean guys with non-graying hair still have trouble getting broads, and they're are plenty of hotties hooking up with dudes who have graying temples.

So I did some investigating. What I found shocked me. I talked to some men I knew in advertising, and they led me to some people, who led me to some more people, who led me to Stock Luckman.

That's right, the Stock Luckman, self proclaimed King of Marketing. Apparently back in 1973, he was in a bar in Tortola, a Caribbean resort island in the Caribbean, with a fellow marketing guru, who shall remain nameless. The man told him he couldn't create a market for hair dye for guys growing gray.

"Even you aren't talented enough to invent that kind of vanity. I can see selling it to actors who want to keep doing leading man roles past their prime, but the average guy just isn't that worried about it."

"You're wrong."

And with that, he went to work. He gathered the hottest young women he could find, and had them say on TV that they hated men with gray hair. From there everything went downhill. Men stopped watering their well manicured lawns and ran to the nearest drug store to get this stuff. For some reason they thought the same secretary that had been banging them on the side for years suddenly found them unattractive.

The whole thing made me question my own life. What was I buying that I didn't need, but Marketing made me think I needed. Was brushing my teeth a legitimate need? I considered a guy I knew who had rotting teeth, and figured I was safe on that one. Shampoo? No, Irish Spring just didn't cut it on my hair, and $1.89 for a bottle of Suave wasn't too extreme. Moisturizer? Yes, I threw that out: I knew I was buying that due to some GQ article. I mean what guy needs moisturizer, right?... well, apparently this one. My doctor told me my skin was extremely suceptable to drying in the winter. Damn it! Marketing won again!