I've only been to Australia once, and let me tell you, once is enough. Here in the States, we are given this image of the Koala Bear as a gentle, noble being, who wants nothing more than to live in harmony with us and his eucalyptus trees. That's so not true.
I was attacked by one of these vicious beasts, and would've died, if not for my trusty raindrop blue Lacoste polo. The thing leaped on me from the branch of a tree like some rabid monkey, and proceeded to claw me apart. Fortunately, it's right paw was caught on the lizard sewn on the left breast. Before it could get itself free, I pulled a can of mace from my pocket, and sprayed the little bastard in the face. As it ran off in immense pain, I yelled behind it:
"I gotchur PETA right here, bitch!"
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