My Trip to the Jerry Springer Show: 150th Episode Spectacular

I didn't really have much going on over the week, and Gwen, the Cappie, asked if I wanted to accompany her to the comic book convention out in Chicago. I thought that was a great idea, so I went.

The highlight of the trip out there was our visit to The Jerry Springer Show, the title of which was "Moms, Daughters, and the Mayor McCheese". Gwen and I were dying while the Mayor made an ass of himself on stage. The girl he was supposed to be pimping out's mother would routinely slap him across his big cheeseburger head.

I got a little crazy grinchy idea during the second group of guests, when the Rev. Shnorr married a young couple against the wishes of the groom's mother. I asked Gwen what she thought.

"Get married? You and me?"

"It's not a real wedding, as in no one in America save this show would recognize it as a legal union, but I think it might be a cute, fun thing to do."

"All right, let's do it."

I signaled Todd over during the break, and he asked the executive producer, who seemed all right with it. We just had to wait through a couple of audience comments.

That's when it happened: Mads was singled out by Jerry for his Nobel prize winning exploits, which prompted Mads to start a shouting match with the Mayor. It was insane. Gwen was a little taken aback, while I was trying to keep from wetting my pants. Then Mads jumped on the pole and took his clothes off. It was all too much.

Finally our moment arrived, and we went to their little alter.

"I think I'd like to have my buddy Mads act as my Best Man."

I looked over, and could see his eyes misting up a bit. He left his pole, and joined me at my side, while the Rev Shnorr read our vows.

It was great fun, but at the same time, I couldn't help wondering if the Cappie was as good as it gets... was she The One...

Nonsense, fake marriage with the Rev Shnorr is way better than real marriage: why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Mads and his Iranian buddy Abdul Karim spent the rest of that evening with Gwen and me. It was like old times, only we were in a city that was slightly foreign to both of us; and the Mayor was lurking about, looking for a shot at my former Norwegian companion.

He got his chance when we were all hanging out in my hotel suite. The door was busted open, and the Mayor, wearing some black Zorro mask over his eyes, came barging in, joined by the Hamburglar.

"Get buck naked, bitches!"

"Robble robble, robble robble."

Gwen, Abdul, and I all put our hands up. Mads was in the bathroom. In a flash, he jumped from behind a potted plant, and onto the back of the Mayor. In the confusion, I threw a Gideon bible at the Hamburglar, and the Iranian and I were able to subdue him.

"Who's getting buck naked now, motherfucker?" Mads said, as he worked his anaconda like magic around the Mayor's neck.

"Fuck you, Mads. This isn't the last you've heard of me. You've lost your Chicago privileges... biiiiitch..."

And with that, he was out. We called Ronald McDonald from the corporate headquarters near by to come scoop them.

The next day we said our goodbyes at the airport: Gwen and I heading back to Logan, Mads and his Iranian flying out to Rio.

"Come on, Mads, come back to Boston with me. We have enough room for your Iranian. Let's bring back the old good times."

"In due time, my good friend, in due time."

And with that, he was off. Farvel, Mads, and may Godspeed... you'll always be my Norwegian companion...