Mayor McCheese: My Trip to the Jerry Springer Show, 150th Episode Spectacular Prologue

I got a call from The Jerry Springer Show the other day asking if I could appear as a guest. The girl who I was acting as a pimp for was being confronted by her mother to stop her street walking. I figured it'd be all right, and I put on my best suit and sash, and made my way over there.

While I was backstage waiting to go on, I heard LaQuisha (my prostitute) out there arguing with her mom. She was saying how I don't ask her for much money and I don't beat her. She showed the audience the tattoo of the Golden Arches on her left buttcheek that symbolizes that she's my ho, which Jerry and Steve loved. Then they called me out.

I was booed, and I threw a bunch of Big Macs and Arch Cards into the crowd. LaQuisha's mom was right in my face, and Tony had to move her away. Finally I sat down.

"Hi, Mayor McCheese, it's an honor to have you on our program."

"It's an honor to be here, Jerry."

"Okay, you heard what was said backstage…"

"Listen Jerry, it's like this: LaQuisha was all runnin' up on me sayin' "my daddy's no good… he beats me… he don' take care o' me… will you be my new daddy? So I'm like, a'ight… McDonald's had just put out it's new coffee, an' I had some paper in the bank, so I went to her daddy, and I paid to have her released."

"You bought her off the pimp?"

"Fo' sho' Jerry. If I didn' buy her, she'd hav' ta get beaten out by his bottom bitch, an' I know his bottom bitch, and she don' wan' none o' that."

Laughter.

"Okay, so LaQuisha's mom wants her to stop. Will you let her quit?"

"Sure, I don' own tha' bitch. But she don' wanna stop, ya 'eard me?"

We went on like that for a little longer, and then we went to the green room while another group came out and fought. Some guy's mom didn't want him marrying his girl. Eventually the Rev. Shnorr did the mock wedding ceremony.

After another break, we were called back out for audience questions. That's when it happened.

"I have just been informed that we have a Nobel prize winner in our audience today. This would mark the first time we've ever had a Nobel prize winner within ten miles of this studio. Could you please stand up… Mads!"